Monday, June 24, 2013

Momma -

I found this post that I had in my drafts in my blog and didn't realized that I hadn't shared it. It will be almost 4 years since my mom went to heaven, and I am so thankful I journal -ed as much as I did. 

July 2nd 2009 -- Results from the scans come back clear and hadn't spread to the organs.. only a few more lesions on her spine and skull. Praise God! Jared and I surprised her by driving there that evening. She celebrated by going to water aerobics and even taught the class because the lady that usually teaches it wasn't there. Jared got to spend some precious time with her that next morning playing with bubbles and she was teaching him how to play with the jacks/balls. We left during the day so she could rest. We got back that night and decided to rest till the morning. Mom woke my up that next morning needing my help with breakfast. I told her I would do all that but she still wants to cook. She was so tired after just beating some eggs. I finished breakfast and she rested on the couch. That was so hard to see the beginning stages of her tiredness.

July 10th -- She had a blood transfusion along with her bone infusions.
That really perked her up a bit for awhile. She even went grocery shopping.

The next days to come she did okay tired still but hanging in their.. living for Christ daily.

July 20th -- She went to the Dr's and had some blood work done, after being exhausted that day more then ever.

July 21st -- We all got a email saying that they were almost positive that the cancer had spread to her liver.

My dear children:
Vonda has been feeling particularly tired the last 3 days - sleeping most of the time. We were hoping another blood transfusion would help.
We just got off the phone with Dr. Balzar, and following blood tests today he is fairly certain the cancer has gone to her liver. The last scan did not indicate as such, but the high enzime levels seem to clearly point in that direction.
Normally there's not much that can be done at this point; we know another transfusion is not the answer.
How much time does she have? Only the Lord knows. We're still planning on going to Colorado on Monday (27th).
We're still planning on a wedding in August, seeing all of you, dancing and living life to the fullest.
I wish I didn't have to write this email - but I know the Lord is gracious.
Liver cancer normally moves quickly, but nothing has been normal with your mom.

She doesn't necessarily want to talk right now, nor is she needing lots of company, but you can phone anytime you want this evening - I'll be home.
I can't say I'm dealing well with the lates news, but I'll be OK.

Love you all dearly,

I was training on my new job in Lake Whitney and I was blessed to not be to far from Paul and Abby's when the email came through. I didn't know about it until I got to Abby's house. My brother Paul was my amazing protector and Abby was so sweet and protective and so loving as well. I missed my boys and husband so much, but I needed to provide income, life goes on as my mom says.
I stayed busy the next day and then on Thursday morning I received this email..

Dear family and friends -
From a conversation with our doctor a few moments ago it appears that Vonda has a fairly short time to live (maybe a month or so or less - the Lord only knows). Our oncologist and primary care doctors both feel there is nothing else that can be done, well, except pray...
She's had an amazing journey as mom, grandmother, nurse, and pastor's wife. We've had an amazing marriage. It seems, as the cancer has spread to her liver, that it's quickly becoming a "firestorm" for her. She's mainly needing to sleep. We're surrounded by wonderful caring people.
She'll be on hospice care starting today. I pray there will be many good days yet in her earthly journey.
We still want to go to the mountains, be with our children and grandchildren, and attend Jeremy's wedding in August. Time will tell.
I hope to preach this coming Sunday on Ephesians 3:14-21
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Those are amazing verses! And even more meaningful following today's news. Right now I'm particularly glad Vonda and I have been surrounded by the " of Christ".

In Christ,

Dad, Grandpa, Papa,
Pastor Boerger

I honestly hyper ventilated at first and had someone get my boss. I calmed down after alittle bit with the help of my sweet boss. I tired to keep working but decided to go home to be with my family that I had been separate from. I talked to a few people on the way home to includes my wonderful aunts Janean and Kathy. I did listen to alot of praise music and praised God through the storm.

I spent some needed time with my family ... that night. My hubby just loved on me and was the sweetest ever. I loved seeing my boys and we told Jared that night.
He tried to understand and I believe with my whole heart that Jared knew Jesus will take care of her, love her and help her be whole again. He is such a strong little boy with a big heart.

We left the next morning to go see mom. That day was Friday July 24th. She wasn't doing too good that day but very happy to see us. Gabe got to sit with her and hold her hand and be so sweet to her. I told Jared to go give her big hugs and kisses but be very gentle.. and he looked at me all serious and said, "But she will get me sick." I laughed so hard. We explained to him that Nana isn't contagious. I got a sweet picture of mom holding Jared right after that moment.

I have been so blessed to have so many wonderful time and moments with my mom.
I laid with her in the camper and let her know that I will make her proud, her grandsons will grow up to be good kids, Gabriel will take good care of me, and I will do always be there for daddy through and through... She asked me if we were going to try for a girl in the future.. and I assured her when we do it will be in the future.. She said with a laugh, you are probably pregnant right now, Ms. Fertile.. ha momma I am not.
She assured me that Daddy will be okay and he is so much stronger then he thinks he is.. and he draws his strength from the Lord. She was needing to go to sleep and she then told me nicely.. "Get out and go forth"!! I just love it!

I enjoyed waiting on her hand and foot. She will tell me to get her just one more ice cube.. I laughed at her and she said.. I am serious.. I need one more..

One of the most special moments I will never forget was when a few of my brothers were talking to her on the couch on Saturday afternoon and it seemed to of really hit her and we all then ( the original 7) all gathered around her. She had many tears and we all cried together some. She looked at all of us and again said Dad will be okay..and I know you will take care of him.. I am not all really sure what she said. Dena, Melisa and Gabe got the kids with an unspoken response knowing we needed our time as just the 7 of us and took the kids to the other room. Of course AJ tried to run back but Melisa caught him in time.

The next day was the wedding...

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